whatever

oh crap, i really havent been loyal to this thing, have i? xD hahaha well, truth be told, i forgot i made this thing :P alright, lets just skip the crap and REALLY talk about whats going on inside me. *sigh, it's been more than half a year since my boyfriend dumped me. (i know, i know, and now a bunch of you are rolling your eyes and thinking "oh no, not ANOTHER blog about heartbreak") well the thing is, its not really heartbreak. its more like...i miss him, but im fine without him. you know what i mean? its just.. this whole experience has really made me think, and i realize that, people are so stupid. when we are so dependent and focused on one thing, its hard to give it up, even if that thing is total crap. like my friend's boyfriend. he treats her like trash, just uses her for sex...but for some reason, she wont leave him. she feels nothing for him though..ive asked her countless times why she wont find someone new, but no, she doesnt want to leave him. just today, i told her that the only reason she wont move on is because she would rather be treated like trash then not have anyone be there for her. (not like the friken douche is there for her anyways -.-") *sigh. so yeah, now i realize, the reason i keep thinking about my ex is because for a while he had been my support, my 3pm..but now that hes gone...its like, im unstable. ughhhh i would be lying if i said im totally over him, but i wouldnt want to get back together with him either. aghh who am i kidding? i cant stop thinking about him...so is it weird how i want him to find another girl as fast as possible? i know who he likes now...and for some strange reason i want them to be together. maybe it'll help me forget him? *shrug.....

heh

hm. i wonder if i should tell my friend about this blog. He's actually the one who inspired me to create it. He writes his own blog/stories as well...isnt the whole point of this is so that people can know about how i feel? so how come im afraid to let him know?
i understand how i might be frustrating some people/readers now. This is just another typical blog, isnt it? a random girl just complaining about her life. even i feel like slapping myself and saying, "uh, hello? i dont give a crap. we all have lives, so just suck it up. the world doesnt revolve around you, so you need to learn your place and deal with what you get"
im so conflicted. part of me is screaming for someone to care and listen to me, while the other part is raging about how no one ever leaves her alone. what the heck?
one more thing i hate: people who take things for granted. you know the feeling, that one you get when you lose something important? i lost a great friend that way. of course, it was because i took him for granted. it hurts. a lot.

In the Void

I only created this so i could talk to someone. Or rather, talk to myself, with the comfort that maybe, just maybe, some random person would stumble upon this stranger's blog and listen to what i have to say. Its all we really want, isnt it? someone to be there for you, someone to listen to you. It's funny, how I am so comfortable with spilling out my secrets to the general public, but never to my closest friends. Are they even my friends? More like, dummies, mannequins, fake illusions or people who claim they care about me. No one really knows me anyways. hahahaha that's so cliche. scratch that. I just don't bother letting people know the real me. Cuz she's ugly. or maybe...maybe its because i dont know the real me anymore either. I've gotten so absorbed into pretending to be this girl, ive already forgotten the little girl inside me, her screaming voice for freedom already dead, lost within the harsh noise of reality.